


Enemy Dearest

by SenselessWorks



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Major Character Injury, Physical Disability, Protective Kylo Ren, Rehabilitation, Renperor, Rey (Star Wars) Has Issues, Rey Needs A Hug, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:48:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26339779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenselessWorks/pseuds/SenselessWorks
Summary: A split second mistake on Endor results in Rey being gravely injured, and left behind by the Resistance who think she is dead.Kylo, meanwhile, feels her injury through their bond, and when Rey is too weak to keep him out of their bond he finds her.Rey ends up on the Finalizer, and with no memory of the past six months she thinks she's still just a scavenger from Jakku.Is this Kylo's chance to make a new start with Rey?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

Even when she slept, there was a part of Rey that kept up the barrier. The barrier against _him,_ keeping him out of her mind, out of her half of the bond. 

It was utterly exhausting, but she knew it was necessary. Keeping him out kept her _safe_ , kept her friends safe, and hidden from him. The Supreme Leader, the First Order, Kylo Ren.... and _Ben Solo_. She knew Ben was still in there. the light in him was still so bright despite the armour of Kylo Ren. Rey yearned towards that light at the same time that she tried to turn away from his darkness. 

But now, she didn't think she could hold up the barrier any more. Not that it mattered. 

Rey couldn't open her eyes, barely conscious her mind drifted and she was beyond pain now. It wouldn't be long now, and she would no longer be a risk to her friends, to her found family. When the bond was gone, when _Rey_ was gone, Kylo Ren would no longer be able to find her.

*****

Kylo had slept poorly even before the fall of Skywalker's academy. Voices, twisted visions, tortured dreams... they had stopped with the death of Snoke, but had been replaced by dreams of _her_. Usually he woke panting, screaming her name in anger, fear, loneliness, or some combination of all three. 

Rey was supposed to rule by his side.

But this dream was different. A nightmare, flashes of a battle seen through her eyes.

Rey had been with the traitor, and the pilot, and his Uncle Chewbacca. A squadron of some 20 rebels behind them. Approaching a bunker, in a somehow familiar jungle. Suddenly ambushed by a greater force. The sigil on their weapons and jackets - _Crimson Dawn_.

She had repaired his grandfather's lightsaber. He could see it swinging around to protect her friends, her stupid bravery, and the traitor and the pilot screaming her name and refusing to run as she told them. Rey would have been able to escape easily, he was sure, but they distracted her attention, her focus drawn from the battle to trying to convince them to run. And then....

Kylo Ren had woken screaming again, but this time it was an agonising pain in his abdomen, chest and leg. It burned, and he felt blood flow across his torso and thigh, but when he looked down there was no wound, no blood flowing that he needed to staunch.

And yet he could still _feel_ it.

With an awful certainty Kylo Ren was certain something had happened to the scavenger. Somewhere, out in the galaxy where she was still hiding herself from him, Rey was dying. It only took him a moment to decide his next course of action. Quickly pulling together his clothing, he slammed his hand down on the comm unit by his bedside, raising a sleepy sounding Mitaka in just a few seconds.

"My Lord?"

"Prepare my ship Mitaka," Ren commanded, pulling on his pants with one hand and summoning his tunic to the other.

He moved rapidly, shaking his hair out as he slipped his arms into the sleeves of the tunic and then fastening the hidden snaps on the right side.

"Immediately sire. Might I enquire the purposes of this sudden journey?"

Kylo slammed his feet into his boots, and immediately began to fasten his belt. He raised his chin to look up for a moment as he tightened the belt then called his saber to him.

"I'm going hunting, Mitaka," Ren answered grimly, as he fixed his cloak around his shoulders.

In only a few minutes Kylo Ren had sprinted from the upper bridge level where his quarters lay into the main hanger of the Finalizer, where his new TIE Whisper was docked. Late into the fourth shift, the hangar was mostly deserted, although Hux had somehow made his way in time to stare disdainfully at Kylo as the Supreme Leader. The General had managed to pull on his dress uniform, although it was rumpled and the ginger's hair was definitely bed-styled.

"You are leaving _now_ , Lord Ren?"

Kylo hefted himself up to the hatch of his TIE, and gave Hux a dark smirk. "Try to resist overthrowing my rule whilst I'm gone, General Hux. There are enough loyal to my rule that it would be a hard task."

Hux narrowed his eyes as the TIE lifted off, and he watched as the ship slipped below the Finalizer before screaming away.

*****

As she lay dying, curled on her side on the forest floor, Rey felt her death was all that she had ever expected. Forgotten by the Resistance, forgotten by Crimson Dawn, forgotten by Poe and Finn and her parents. Alone, as she had ever been on Jakku, and as she had only expected it would be in all her darkest moments. 

There was one person though, enemy though he may be, who was always there. Lurking in the shadows of her mind. They had abandoned each other in the throne room, and yet were somehow still tied. She wanted to see him one last time, her enemy who was somehow the only person who truly understood her. And now that she was alone, who was she protecting by wasting the last of her life force to keep him away?

Rey let go of the barriers to the bond between them, and was surprised to find him rushing in immediately. He had been waiting, he was somehow aware of her predicament. Though she was tired, so very tired, Rey opened her eyes to stare at the ground, the trees beyond the small clearing she lay in... and _him_. From the position he sat in, it was clear he must be seated in one of his TIE fighters. She had thought he might gloat at her death, but Kylo looked grim and determined.

"Where are you?"

Rey just lay staring at him, her eyes shiny with unshed tears, but didn't speak. It was fitting her last thoughts, just like so many of the stray ones throughout most of her days, were of him. Kylo watched her lick her dry lips and try to form a word. He hoped it would be her location, but as her eyes close slowly he was both frustrated and awed by the words she chose to speak.

"Ben....my Ben.."

Kylo screamed in frustration when her mind drifted away from the waking world, and for a wild moment he wanted to destroy the ship around him. The sheer stupidity of such an idea came to him at the last moment, just before he ignited his saber, and he breathed in slowly for a moment to try and calm his temper.

And then he felt her. Somewhere out in the stars, a beacon of light that called to him in the Force. Kylo closed his eyes, and followed that feeling... she was close. The Finalizer and a dozen of the fleet in orbit at Cerea in the Mid Rim, and she was... just a little further, a few light years away on the Outer Rim. And then he remembered the familiar forest of his dreams.

Endor. It was the only place that made sense, in the general direction of where he felt her light.

Kylo punched in the coordinates, and the TIE disappeared into hyperspace.

*****

A bolt from a blaster, much like the swing of a lightsaber, can cauterise flesh instantaneously. It burns fabric and skin, and the wound inflicted can be contaminated by particles of burnt fabric, plastic and even metals depending on what lies between the bolt and its final destination.

Ren contemplated these facts as he knelt beside Rey, assessing her condition. She was in a bad way, and the only saving grace of the bolt that had entered at an angle through her chest and out through her back close to her spine, was that the damage to most of the blood vessels the bolt had hit had cauterised them almost immediately. She had continued to leak blood slowly, for some time, but it seemed to have stopped now. Unfortunately, the wound was significantly contaminated with the melted soft fabric that made up her undershirt, and burned wisps of her gauzy wrap. It was a slow, awful way to die and Kylo wasn't entirely sure he could get her to the help she needed in time.

He wasn't sure why he cared either. He'd offered her the galaxy, and she had rejected him. Left him alone on the Supremacy to possibly die. So _why_ did the idea of leaving her alone here to die leave him trembling? She'd left him hadn't she?

There was no real doubt though. They were connected through the Force and though he didn't know exactly why, he knew they had a shared destiny. Despite her repeated rejection of him they were meant to be together. It wasn't a choice, and Kylo Ren lifted her with the Force before he took her in his arms and carried her himself to his TIE. 

He hadn't really thought about the logistics of carrying her anywhere - he'd taken the TIE because it was the fastest vessel he had access to. Depositing her on the ground, he climbed up into the TIE before he used the Force to bring her to the hatch and then gently deposited her into his lap. With a little finessing of the straps of his harness, he had Rey protected against his chest, still with access to the controls, and the TIE lifted off quickly, breaking the sound barrier as it climbed before breaking atmosphere into space beyond.

Kylo wasn't sure she was going to make it, but through the bond and his own senses he felt and heard her heart continue to thud slowly. It was enough for now that he could hope, a foreign emotion to him for so long, but all the while a simmering anger continued through him. She had chosen his mother's Resistance rather than him, and they couldn't even take proper care of her! 

He took the time to truly observe her as they travelled the short distance through hyperspace. She was still painfully thin, although she had filled out a little in the months since he had seen her last. The lean and wiry muscles seemed stronger now, but the dark shadows of her eyes told a story of sleepless nights and endless worries. Even in her unconscious state there was a slight frown, and a set of worry lines between her brows that he had to resist the strange urge to kiss away. She was cold in his arms, and it worried him what that might mean, but she continued to breathe and her heart to beat, and along with that foreign feeling of hope it was enough for now.

It did not take long to arrive back on the Finalizer, although it was now well into the first watch of the new cycle when the Whisper landed in the main hangar. The apoplectic expression of rage when Hux saw exactly who the Supreme Leader had brought aboard notwithstanding, the General did not dissent when the medics settled her on to a gurney, nor did he comment when Ren followed them to the Medbay. Rather, as instructed, Hux headed to the Bridge to inform General Pryde that Ren had handed over the business on Batuu to Pryde and the Steadfast, and the Finalizer would be headed towards the Core. The less Hux had to do with Pryde, the better.

*****

Chaos was the only word that came to Kylo's mind to describe the medbay. Organised chaos, to be sure, but chaos nonetheless. A team were preparing a bacta tank to immerse her in, while a second team where stripping her of her clothing and trying to remove the melted fabric from the large wound that ran through her upper abdomen and chest and through to her spine. A smaller superficial wound through her abdomen on the left and down her thigh was more of a graze, although it too was plagued with melted material. 

They kept trying to get him to leave the medbay, but he merely stood his ground silently. Louder exhortations lead to him pulling his saber from his belt, although there was no need to ignite it. There was a long history on the vessel of Kylo Ren destroying hardware and furnishings, and rumour held sometimes also people. Though it had not occurred since he became Supreme Leader, it was a scar on the minds of enough staff that nobody wanted to cross him.

Kylo watched silently as the two surgeons from the second team struggled to clean the wounds. He knew if they couldn't clean it properly the wound would not heal right, and Rey would be at risk of infection even with the bacta. And the damage to her right lung was serious. She needed surgery, and he nodded permission as they spoke aloud. Kylo would have to let them take her out of his sight.

"She must live," was all Kylo said, before he finally left Rey to the medics and headed to the Council chambers to deal with Hux.


	2. Chapter 2

Kylo felt rather pleased with his level of restraint as the absolutely livid Armitage Hux spewed vitriol against "the murderer of our beloved Supreme Leader" before the Council. After all, Kylo had neither force-choked Hux nor thrown him across the room, nor had he even opened his own mouth to say a word to the contrary.

In fact, it was General Bellava Parnadee who finally broke Hux's rant, with a simple "Enough Hux, you've started to repeat yourself."

The disdain with which Parnadee spoke to Hux almost made Kylo pity the man. Almost.

Allegiant General Pryde looked at the ginger headed man like something to be squashed under his boot, before finally speaking his own mind. Apart from Hux, and to a lesser degree Parnadee herself, the remainder of the Council members tended to follow along with Pryde.

"The Supreme Leader does not have to explain himself to _you_ ," Pryde noted in his hoarse voice, "although I'm sure he has good reason for bringing a half dead Jedi here for medical treatment, particularly one with a bounty on her head."

Kylo understood Pryde's words for the warning they were - both to Hux _and_ himself.

"She is powerful in the Force," Kylo answered, deciding that whilst a full explanation would weaken his standing, some reasoning might make Hux's plotting less palatable to the weaker Council members.

"Clearly," Hux spat, "since she murdered Snoke. Strange that she did not murder _you_ as well."

"There is darkness in her," Kylo continued, the fingers of one hand slightly closing so that Hux felt a vague pressure on his throat in warning. "I almost turned her last time, _that_ is why she did not kill me. If I can turn her now, she will be a powerful asset."

"And besides," he continued, making eye contact with Pryde now, "did you not recommend I take on the mantle of Emperor? If you intend to see such stability to continue, I need an Empress."

" _Her!"_ Hux rasped out.

Surprisingly, or perhaps not, Pryde was the one to counter Hux.

"Indeed. Whilst a marriage to the offspring of one of our supporters might gain us traction in one area, choosing a wife from one family over another would ultimately curry dissent not favour. If she adds to your power though.... you may well raise an empire that lasts longer than a single ruler."

Kylo was careful to keep his expression neutral, although he was pleasantly surprised to have such clear support from the usually taciturn Pryde, and he was once again reminded he had forwarded Pryde to the position of Allegiant General not only because it made Hux squirm but because of his ability to think tactically and rapidly assess all the consequences of a decision.

"Indeed, General Pryde," Kylo nodded in acknowledgement. "Do hurry back from your mission to Batuu. Your advice and recommendations have been _invaluable_."

*****

By the time Kylo had returned to the Medbay, Rey's initial surgery had been completed and she was being prepped for the bacta tank. She lay peacefully on a gurney, covered only with a white breastband and white underwear, numerous tubes inserted into her body. The most obvious was the necessary breathing tube, but more concerning was the nastrogastric tube and the waste tubes, not usually bothered with for most immersions and suggestive to Kylo that the medics intended her stay in the tank to be fairly prolonged.

"How bad," he asked shortly of the lead medic, an older woman with a permanent frown etched on her forehead who was entering some details into a hand held data pad.

"Supreme Leader, she was quite severely injured. I don't even understand how she has survived, most people would have died long before you could bring her here."

"She is not 'most people' doctor. What have you done for her so far?"

"I have been able to clean the wounds well, and we have repaired the major blood vessels involved. A small section of her bowel required removal, but the anastomosis should heal well. And whilst the bacta should take care of the rest, it will be many days before the wounds heal well enough for us to wake her.."

He waited, understanding from her tone and the few stray thoughts he could read from her mind, that she was not finished. And that she was afraid of him.

"Out with it doctor. I promise you I will not misplace my anger towards you. _You_ did not leave her in that position, unlike her so called _friends_."

The doctor sighed, exhaling slowly. "Her wounds are quite grave, with several major blood vessels involved and a large amount of blood lost. Some of her organs were deprived of sufficient blood flow for a period of time. Some of the damage to her kidneys may be permanent, but I am hopeful."

She stepped away from him slightly to connect her pad to the port on the bacta tank, careful to ensure she was on one side of the tank and Kylo the other.

"I am more worried about her spinal cord, Supreme Leader. Poor blood supply as well as a thermal injury have caused some damage. Scans show there is some swelling and testing has been... _abnormal_. She may be fine, or she may never walk again. I am afraid I cannot tell you which until she has emerged from the bacta tank and we can reassess her."

Kylo nodded curtly, his eyes going to Rey's still figure again. Remembering her fighting him in the snow, running from him on Takodana, their fight against the Praetorian Guard. The beauty of her flowing moves. He would feel this connection regardless, and he had no doubt she would still be powerful, but how would Rey cope? Her entire life she had been physically strong, not just his recent experience of her, and as a scavenger she had depended on her physicality.

"Your name, doctor?"

"Dr Carron Tannik, my Lord. Commander, first class."

"You will report daily to me," Kylo informed her. "My assistant, Commander Mitaka, will be in contact with you shortly with comm codes and the like. Should anything significant occur you will contact me immediately, regardless of the time or where I may be. You are in charge of her care, and you answer _only_ to me, or to Mitaka as my proxy."

He watched as several other medics began to hook Rey to a lifting device and balance her over the raised bacta tank. 

"Understood My Lord," Tannik replied, but his brief nod was the only indication he had heard her as they both watched Rey settled into her watery bed. 

The medics briefly disconnected the various lines, quickly connecting the breathing tube to the internal port of the tank - Tannik explained this was always done first so that the patient would not be deprived of oxygen for any meaningful period of time. The waste and feeding tubes were connected next, and finally Rey was ready for the rest of the bacta to fill the tank. Kylo pressed one hand against the transparisteel - pleasantly surprised to feel it's warmth. 

"I promise she won't be cold," Tannik said quietly, "or feel any pain, My Lord. The medications keep her asleep."

Kylo nodded his understanding, but remained silent as he watched Rey's body begin to float in the tank. Her unconcious state meant her mind was open to any who could access it, but he felt it somehow an inappropriate violation to do so. Rather, he allowed himself to simply feel her presence, and let her feel his. _She can't swim_ , Kylo suddenly remembered, and he hoped in her sleeping state she was not aware that she was submerged. 

Finally, knowing he had much work to do, Kylo passed one thought to her before turning on his heel and leaving the room

_I will avenge you, Rey._

*****

He started with Crimson Dawn, taking his TIE Whisper to Endor again and the place where he found Rey. The building where Rey and her Resistance friends were ambushed looked oddly familiar, and he realised with a start he'd been there before. A visit as a small boy with his mother and father - _no no no, the General and Han Solo_ \- and this was one of the buildings they had built in the early days of the New Republic not long after the Battle of Endor. A communications tower, for the newly minted New Republic. He remembered his parents retelling this story, and he remembers being introduced to the Ewok village.

Shaking his head to clear the old memories, Kylo tore open the entrance using the Force alone. Crimson Dawn were clearly stupid, thinking they could hide from him. Although most of the members of the criminal organisation that were here had fled, they hadn't abandoned the facility and Kylo easily found the three remaining gang members. Left behind to maintain the facility, they still held useful information that Kylo glady ripped from their minds. Who planned the ambush, and what exactly they were after.

 _Rey_ , they were after the Resistance's Jedi, and intended to sell her to First Order for the bounty. The presumed fatal shooting had been accidental, a nervous new recruit with a lucky shot when she had been distracted. Fortunately for the recruit, Crimson Dawn already killed him with a quick shot to the head, so he would avoid the painfully slow death that Kylo had been planning for him.

And these three provided him with some further useful details. Like where he could find the current stronghold of Crimson Dawn, and a heist they had planned on a First Order cargo transport.

He decided then and there to fuck up their plans for the heist, then kill them all and wipe the stain of Crimson Dawn from the galaxy. But for now, he needed to return to the Finalizer. He'd already been away from Rey for too long, and he still had an Order to run.

*****

Kylo went straight to the Medbay on arrival, not even bothering with the pretence of updating his Council. Rey's tank was in it's place, and he pulled his gloves from his hands as he approached, his first action as he reached to tank to ensure it still held the same warmth and that Rey was not cold.

Reassured at least of this comfort, Kylo allowed his mind to seek hers, to let her awareness find his. She was there, in the Force, yet not close, as if he stood on the shore of a vast lake and she was on a small boat drifting far away. Whenever they had connected through their strange force bond, it had never felt this ephemeral, and Kylo worried over it. Perhaps it was the drugs the medics were giving her to keep her asleep. Or perhaps something had changed in Rey.

He noticed Tannik watching him.

"Is there anything to report, doctor?"

"A few things additional to the report I sent this morning, Supreme Leader," the medic replied. "She is healing at a better than expected rate given the injuries she sustained, but I cannot tell you more about her long term prognosis until she has emerged from the tank and I can re-examine her."

Kylo inclined his head in acknowledgement but said nothing.

"I must also point out, my Lord, that it seems she was rather malnourished and suffered a number of childhood injuries including several fractures that were never properly set."

Kylo ground his teeth in anger. _Fucking Jakku._ He added slavers and junkbosses to the list of those who would pay for their crimes against Rey.

"We've taken the liberty of breaking and resetting those fractures and adding the appropriate supplementation to her feeding tube to correct any deficiencies."

"Will it cause her any pain?"

Tannik shook her head. "She should feel nothing, my Lord. The drugs have kept her well sedated."

He kept his fingers pressed against the transparisteel of her tank, seeking to connect to her presence in the Force. _Rey...._

"How long until she wakes?"

Tannik shrugged. "A few days at least, my Lord. I would have expected for injuries of this nature for it to take _weeks_ , but as I already mentioned she is healing far faster than I expected."

Kylo nodded abruptly, and withdrew his large hands from the tank. He had less time to prepare than he expected then, and yet it seemed like forever at the same time. He nodded at the doctor, before drawing himself to his full height and striding from the room. The Council must be informed of Crimson Dawn's plans, and the next phase of his vengeance against Rey's enemies set in place.

*****

Armitage Hux had hated Enric Pryde for almost as long as he could remember. He could remember a time in his life when he didn't know Pryde, a time before his father had pulled him from his mother's side and dragged him to the remnants of the old Empire. But for as long as Armitage Hux had known The Imperial Contingency and the First Order, first under Brendol Hux and then Snoke, he had known Enric Pryde and hated him.

If he stopped to reflect on why he hated Pryde, he would probably have come to realise it was because Pryde had taken him from the peaceful happy childhood and thrust him into the torturous life that Brendol Hux inflicted on his only son, but Armitage Hux was not prone to such introspection. Far easier to simply hate Pryde and shift the blame for his woeful life between Ren and Pryde whenever it suited Hux.

At that moment, however, Hux was utterly gleeful. Pryde had been thoroughly humiliated by a mere handful of resistance scum who had managed to rout him at Batuu, crippling _The Steadfast_ and humiliating the General. Hux was quite certain Pryde's humiliation would be the perfect opportunity to point out that Hux could have done better under the circumstances. If _The Finalizer_ had gone as planned and Hux had run the mission as he had planned.

Although the mission hadn't been a complete failure. Pryde had managed to capture FN-2187 and that short female engineer who'd been with him on _The Supremacy_. Hux had graciously sent a pair of Resurgent class Star Destroyers to retrieve the prisoners, and the personnel on the crippled Star Destroyer. Unfortunately for Hux, Pryde was still alive and would be retrieved as well, but Hux comforted himself with the thought that Ren would likely strip Pryde of his vaunted position as Allegiant General and Hux could once more position himself as Ren's next in line should something... _unfortunate_ happen to the Supreme Leader. Which Hux would, of course, make sure to happen when the time was right.


	3. Chapter 3

Kylo slept fitfully after leaving Rey again, despite his exhaustion. Though he had wreaked his vengeance on behalf of Rey against the Crimson Dawn element on Endor, there was no satisfaction to be gained from it. Rey still lay unconscious in her bacta tank, hurt and beyond his reach, and he fretted over her recovery. Perhaps he would feel better after cleaning up the rest of Crimson Dawn.

Eventually, he rose from his bed and pulled on a clean uniform, making his way to the Medbay to sit beside Rey's tank. Tannik, he noted, had made sure Rey's tank was close to her office, and he could feel the doctor's presence nearby. He smiled slightly as he glanced towards the open door, soft snores telling him the doctor was sleeping in the darkened office and taking her job as Rey's personal doctor far more seriously than Kylo had dared to hope.

Quietly, he pulled a chair beside Rey's tank and sat down, removing his gloves so that he could touch the glass with his bare skin. The tank was reassuringly warm, and though she still felt so far way in the Force somehow she felt a little closer than before.

"I took care of the ones who hurt you," Kylo murmured, hoping somehow she could hear him despite the medications and without their bond. "I know you would probably have disapproved, but they _hurt_ you. I could not let that stand."

Kylo sighed, and leaned his head forward to rest it against the tank.

"If only you had taken my hand when I offered it to you. I would have kept you safe."

Rey remained still and silent, floating in her watery prison. She was still there, on the edge of the Force, but not with him as he was wanted.

"I know you felt it too, Rey. I still feel it. Do you?"

*****

Kylo was halfway through debriefing his Council on his actions on Endor, and the intelligence he had managed to gather on Crimson Dawn's plans, when he felt a familiar feeling.

Not unlike the feeling he had felt before he had kidnapped Rey from Takodana. The sense of something in the Force, something _awakening_.

Kylo swallowed hard, and stopped speaking suddenly. Dare he hope?

"We will meet again at 1400 hours tomorrow," Kylo found his voice again, unusually hoarse due to his mouth's sudden dryness. "I want a draft plan for how we are going to rid the galaxy of the stain of Crimson Dawn."

He stood up abruptly, and swept from the room just as his personal datapad chimed with a message from Dr Tannik.

 _The Jedi is waking._

*****

By the time Kylo reached the Medbay, Rey had been removed from the tank and transferred to a hospital gurney, although she still lay unconscious. A small army of medics were busy cleaning her of the bacta, towel drying her hair and covering her with warmed blankets. Kylo could see she was still connected to the various tubes, and frowned. Surely, if Rey was waking, those should be unnecessary?

Dr Tannik approached as he entered the room, her expression somewhat harried.

"Supreme Leader... I did not think you would come so quickly. We haven't finished preparing her yet."

"I thought you said she wasn't ready to come out of the tank yet," Kylo frowned at her.

Tannik looked further flustered.

"I would have preferred she remain a few more days, my lord, but she began to wake despite the medication and fight against the breathing tube. It set off the tank safety protocols, and the emergency decanting procedure began. Unfortunately, despite still being unconscious, she began to fight against the process, so we've had to give her something to make her sleep a little deeper until we've finished disconnecting her from all the lines."

"It's barely been a week. Is she in any danger?"

"No my lord. The degree of healing the bacta affords at this point would merely speed her recovery. It shouldn't make any ultimate difference to her final outcome."

Kylo grunted acceptance, but his frown remained. He hoped Rey would be alright, despite the early removal from the tank, but he was bothered by her faint connection through the Force where she was usually a blazing light to Kylo.

"I want to see her."

Tannik nodded, and inclined her head in a _follow me_ gesture as she crossed the short distance between them to where Rey lay. She gestured for her staff to make room for Kylo, and he settled himself to the right of Rey's bed, close by her shoulder, as he stared down at her. They had adjusted the gurney so that she was raised into a seated position, propped with a couple of pillows to further steady her, and Kylo noted her eyes occasionally moving beneath closed lids and wondered how much of what was going on she was aware of.

"We're ready to remove the breather, doctor," a tall blonde medic in a blue scrub suit spoke up. "Sedation is waning and if we wait much longer she'll start to fight us."

Tannik held her hand up for brief moment and turned to Kylo.

"You may not wish to watch, my lord."

Kylo ignored her, and took Rey's small hand in both of his large ones.

"As you wish," Tannik sighed, before nodding to the blonde medic.

Kylo watched the medic make an adjustment to the tube, before she grasped it firmly in her hand.

"Rey," Tannik spoke loudly, "we're going to take the breather out. It's unpleasant, but it only takes a moment."

Tannik nodded to the other medic, and the blonde pulled on the tube with one long, fluid movement. Rey gagged, coughed and her eyes flew open to stare directly into Kylo's. He smiled reassuringly at her and gripped her hand tighter. She continued to stare at him, ignoring everything else in the room, until a sudden fit of coughing broke their hold on each other's gaze and the blonde medic was quick to bring a cup of water to Rey's lips to soothe the irritation the tube had caused her throat.

Rey eyed the medic gratefully, but her attempt to speak her thanks was unsuccessful, only a small hoarse squeak coming from her throat.

"Your voice will return soon," Tannik promised soothingly. 

Rey looked back up at Kylo, a look of confusion crossing her face.

"Do you remember what happened," Kylo asked her quietly.

Rey shook her head, and Kylo looked concernedly at the doctor.

"She's still under the effects of the medication, my lord. She needs more rest and once the drugs have worked their way out of her system we can assess her."

Kylo was about to comment that Rey had done nothing but _sleep_ for the last standard week, but the girl in question was already yawning and closing her eyes. She continued to grip his hands in her own, however, until finally the grip loosened and Kylo knew she was asleep again.

He waited to be sure she was not going to wake again. Tannik was moving her to a room, and Kylo took the opportunity to return to his quarters for a shower and a brief meal before returning.

*****

She was propped up on a bed, wearing a white gown that disappeared into a thick red blanket. Rey was surrounded by medics, each busy with their datapads and scans, and one nurse was busy trying to engage her in conversation. But the moment her eyes fell on his, Kylo noted she was staring at him again, and Kylo immediately stopped his advance towards the her bedside to simply stare back at her.

For days he had worried himself almost to the point of illness, that she would never wake from her ordeal, that she would wake and be furious to find herself in the custody of the First Order, that she would want to leave him. Yet her eyes did not betray any of his concerns. They were soft, and still slightly confused looking, and was that _gratitude_?

"You are awake," Kylo noted unnecessarily, and slowly continued his approach.

Rey smiled slighty.

"It seems I owe you a great debt, Supreme Leader," she responded quietly. "The medics tell me you found me yourself, and saved my life."

 _Supreme Leader_. An odd way for her to address him, one she had refused to use in any of their connections, but Kylo supposed it was for the benefit of their audience.

The scurrying medics on her left side parted at his approach, and he forced himself to sit in the proffered seat so that she wasn't craning her neck to look up at him. He reached out and took her small hand in his, skin so much warmer and healthier in colour than the last time he had touched her.

"I had to find you," Kylo confessed shakily. "I knew you were badly wounded, and.... _Rey..."_

"I don't understand," she pulled her hand from his. "How did you know? Who am I to you? I'm just a scavenger from Jakku, how do you know me?"

Suddenly, Kylo's world was tilted on it's axis. He rose from his seat at her bedside, and strode away from her without another glance. Kylo couldn't let anyone see the pain in his eyes.

Rey looked worriedly over at the nurse.

"Is he angry with me? What did I say wrong?"

"He's not angry with _you_ ," her nurse replied, shaking her head. "But he's probably angry. He's always angry/"

*****

"What does she remember?"

Kylo was pacing back and forth in Tannik's small office, scowling and trying very hard not break something. 

"I don't know, my Lord," Tannik sighed. "It's was obvious when she first woke that she doesn't recall the injury itself, but such post traumatic memory loss is relatively common and not unexpected. But I had no idea she had no memory of _other_ things. We haven't had much time to question her."

Kylo stopped pacing, and flung himself into one of the seats in front of Tannik's desk.

"If it helps, my Lord, extensive loss of memory is not common and one might expect her to regain most of her memories. Perhaps not the traumatic event itself, but most of the rest...."

"Perhaps?" Kylo snorted.

But then it occurred to him... perhaps indeed. Maybe he should be looking at this as a second chance with her. A chance to forge a new connection with the scavenger, a second chance for her to see him in a new light? For her to form a better opinion of him, for her to _choose_ him? 

"What are the chances she _will_ remember, Dr Tannik?"

"There is no permanent brain injury, according to our scans. Her memory has a good chance of returning. Whether it is today, next week, or a year from now I could not say."

So any new opinion she formed might be blown away by the truth of their previous fraught relationship at any moment? And even if she never remembered, Kylo knew he could never knowingly lie to her. Their bond wouldn't permit lying, even if it wasn't against his own moral code.

No, he would answer any questions she asked of him honestly, but this was a chance to let her see a different side to him, and hopefully she would still choose him when she remembered who and what he was.

*****

When Rey awoke again the Supreme Leader was sitting by her bed, head thrown back and legs splayed forwards, snoring lightly. There were dark circles under his eyes that betrayed sleepless nights, but his features were soft and youthful in his slumber, so unlike the severe expression on his face she had seen when she had caught him marching away from the doctors office.

Why was such a powerful man so interested in her? How did he know her? Rey turned her head to her side, staring at him as he dozed. He was... _familiar_ to her, somehow. But how could she know this man? Her, a nobody from Jakku with no worth except for what she could haul from the skeletons of Star Destroyers; and even then it had been _barely_ enough to keep her fed. Yet somehow the Supreme Leader of the First Order had known who _she_ was, known she was in trouble and had come to save her?

Rey had heard tell of the First Order on Jakku, and the Resistance against them. Not that either side had much impact on her backwater planet where Rey had spent the last fourteen years working for Unkar Plutt. The New Republic cared not for her kind, or else there would have been enforcement of laws against slavery and the abuse Rey and her fellow scavengers had suffered. But perhaps this man cared, for how else did he come to know her?

Come to think of it, how did she even get off Jakku? Rey couldn't leave, she needed to be there to greet her family when they finally came back for her. Her throat grew tight and her heart began to pound, and she let out a painful whimper of fear.

It was enough to startle him awake, and it seemed to only take him a few seconds to realise she was distressed. His large hand wrapped around her small one, and she squeezed his fingers for a moment.

"Rey, tell me what's wrong?"

But she couldn't breathe. The tightness in her chest was too much, the lack of feeling in her lower body, her lack of memory as to how she had left Jakku. She looked at him with terrified eyes, and Kylo in turn became concerned. Rey could hear him calling for a medic as she tried to breathe against the tightness of her chest and the darkness that threatened to pull her down and render her unconscious.

"What's wrong with her?"

She could hear the fear in his voice, and somehow she felt his own distress too. He was _worried_ about her, _afraid_ that something was wrong.

"She can't breathe! Help her!"

Rey recognised the doctor, _was it Tannik?_ , and the kind eyes that had been there when she had awoken. Softly murmured words, soothing, and then a sharp prick against her neck as a hypospray delivered something. In a few moments her chest was less tight, she was able to take a gulping breath, and she felt sleepy. But when the hand holding hers tried to withdraw, she grasped it hard as if it was the lifeline keeping her anchored in a storm. Instead of leaving her, he left his hand in hers and with the scrape of a chair and a soft thud she knew he was sitting next to her again.

Rey drifted slightly, not wholly aware, but capturing snatches of the conversation between the Supreme Leader and Dr Tannik.

_...panic attack, my Lord, as best as I can determine..._

_...will it occur again..._

_...triggers... tell me what happened..._

_…woke me...found her like that..._

A warm, comforting presence seemed to envelop her mind, wrapping around her half conscious state. It too, like the Supreme Leader, seemed familiar to her. Almost like an extension of his physical presence. She should question it, question him, but Rey was _so tired_. She left herself drift further into the presence around her, soothing her, like a warm soft blanket until finally, she was asleep.

*****

He was still there in the morning, somewhat sleep roughened hair, concerned eyes on hers as she slowly blinked awake. Did he sleep at all after she finally drifted?

"Are you alright?" His voice was hoarse and worried.

"I need to go back to Jakku," Rey told him. "I have to be there when they come back."

The Supreme Leader shook his head.

"When who comes back? You've been gone more than half a year, Rey. You don't live there anymore."

"But...my family! My parents! They're going to come back for me. They promised!"

Rey could feel the edge of the same panic from before, and fought to claw it back down. For his part, the Supreme Leader took her hands in his and looked sadly into her eyes.

"Oh Rey.... of all the things I regret arguing with you over, now I wish you could remember so I didn't have to tell you again."

Somewhere, deep inside her, some part of Rey _knew_. How else could a child have become the property of Unkar Plutt?

Her head spun, and she felt herself collapse against the pillow beneath her as she clutched tightly to the hands that held her. Deep inside her, something stirred - was it a nightmare? A memory? 

_Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known?_

Rey's eyes flew open to look at his. He looked so mournful, and she realised the truth of it.

"They're dead, aren't they," Rey whispered to him, and looked away so he couldn't see her cry.

And she was suddenly furious. Not at him, but for the years spent wasted on Jakku waiting for someone who would never come. For parents who obviously couldn't love her enough to keep her, but sold her off to a junkboss instead.

_Sold you for drinking money._

She let the truth of it wash over her, and then despite Rey's best intentions the sobs began in earnest. She wasn't sure when he climbed into the bed next to her and pulled her into his arms, but eventually she had no more tears left for the family who abandoned her.

Everyone left her behind. Her parents. Devi and Strunk, who had stolen the Ghtroc freighter from her to escape from Jakku. Dozens of other scavengers who had ignored her as a starving child, or stolen her haul from her (or tried to at least). But here was the _Supreme Leader_ of the First Order, a man that a nobody like Rey should not have ever come to know, not only telling her he knew her, holding her as she cried... but he had _saved_ her life. _He_ didn't leave her behind.

And though he clearly knew her, she had no idea who he was. She sniffled against his shoulder, then giggled a little at the realisation.

"Rey," he asked her, a concerned edge to his voice.

"Sorry. I just... I realised here I was, a nobody from Jakku crying on the shoulder of the Supreme Leader of the First Order.... and whilst it's clear we somehow know each other I actually have no idea who you are...."

"Right," he muttered, gently pulling her out of his arms and sliding away from her. He pressed a button on the wall panel next to her bed and then turned back to her, trying to prop her against the pillows and make her more comfortable.

"Medics wanted to check you over again," he noted as she looked at the wall panel, "and then I guess some explanations are in order?"

Doctor Tannik and a pair of her colleagues entered the room then, cutting off any reply Rey might want to make. She kept her eyes on him as he retreated from the room, and Kylo found himself very much wanting to stay by her side. He waited a moment after the door to her room slid shut behind him, before finally stalking away to his quarters to shower and change clothes.


	4. Chapter 4

When Kylo returned to the Medbay, he could see Rey had been crying. She looked small, and forlorn, eyes red rimmed and the vague hint of salt tracked down her cheeks, and she refused to look at him.

For a moment, he feared she had remembered they were supposed to be enemies. But then she pointed to her legs, tucked beneath the red blanket, and her look of despair was somehow even worse.

"I can't move them. I can't feel them. I was so sleepy before, I thought maybe it was the medication or..... _something_ anyway. But Doctor Tannik says my spine was damaged."

Kylo took her hands in both of his, rubbing his thumbs over the back of them soothingly.

"I'm sorry. I was far away when you were injured, and it took a while to find you."

"It's not your fault," she cried, aghast at the idea he blamed himself. "Supreme Leader, if it wasn't for you...

"Kylo. My name is Kylo. You don't call me _Supreme Leader_."

Rey shook her head. Surely that was disrespectful? And yet.... it was clear they knew each other. Had she called him by name before this? 

But _Kylo_ seemed wrong somehow. As if the name was foreign in some way.

"Do the medics think it permanent," Kylo interrupted her thoughts.

"They don't seem to know," Rey shrugged her shoulders slightly. "Doctor Tannik can't say yet. But I'm afraid. How can I scavenge like this?"

Kylo barked a rough laugh.

"Rey... you don't scavenge anymore."

At her raised brow he sighed. How to explain to her that, when she wasn't running around the galaxy actively undermining him for the Resistance, she was mostly trying to keep him out of her head? When he was able to break through her walls, however briefly, to try and talk to her, she would use words or her fists to drive him away again? And yet, they were inextricably linked, two halves of the same coin. He was fairly sure she had no idea of her abilities, since she had only begun to find her connection to the Force when he had met her, but he would need to explain that to her too.

"So how do we know each other?"

Rey came straight to the point, eager to know how they had come to have this... was it _friendship_? How a worthless nobody from a backwater like Jakku had come to the attention of the powerful Supreme Leader. Who incidentally seemed nothing like the ugly monster she had heard tales of at Niima outpost.

Kylo ran his fingers through his hair thoughtfully, not sure where to begin, how to even make sense of the story. How do you explain a Force bond to someone with no memory of the Force? How to tell her about the Resistance, his apprenticeship under Snoke, or how he had killed his old Master to save her.

She narrowed her eyes at him in question.

"I guess... it started with a search for a map, and a droid."

"A droid?"

"My Master had tasked me with finding someone, and the map was the key. It was hidden from me in a droid, on Jakku. You found the droid."

Rey nodded absently.

"I gave you this droid then?"

"No," Kylo chuckled. "Quite the opposite. You helped it escape. But you had seen the map, so I took you instead and tried to get you to divulge the secret. Rather unsuccessfully. 

"But it was your quest to return the droid to the Resistance was what got you off Jakku, and ultimately what got you involved in this mess. In a stolen YT-1300 freighter no less.."

_"That garbage?"_

Rey recalled the ship Unkar had been oddly proud of possessing, one she had been forced to work on for him more than once. Kylo chuckled slightly at the description of his father's ship, especially since it was now hers.

"You escaped from the interrogation chamber, and later we fought," he pointed to the scar on his face, "and you gave me this scar."

"I'm sorry," Rey whispered, unconsciously reaching out to touch the edge of his jaw where the scar slipped from his face towards the high collar of his uniform tunic. "You must hate me."

"No, no, not at all! I frightened you, and abducted you, interrogated you and fought you...." Kylo shook his head slightly, swallowing with some difficulty. "I killed a good man you had come to see as a mentor, at the order of my master, and I injured your friend in my own anger. Honestly, I think I got off fairly easily given how justifiably angry you were."

She dropped her fingers from his face, and stared at him. He stared back at here, both of them a little mesmerised by the other, and Rey found herself confused by her reaction to him. It was as if she somehow _knew_ him, as well as she knew herself, and yet she had no memory of him.

And their first encounter was apparently _less than friendly_ _,_ and they were clearly on opposite sides of some conflict at that point, yet Rey found she could not hold it against him. For surely, and enemy would not have saved her life.

It was illogical, and yet at the same time seemed so _perfectly right_ , but the tale so far made no sense. Surely, there was more to the story than this, and with difficulty she pulled her gaze from his and stared down at her blanket for a moment until Kylo picked up the tale.

"So you escaped, but the base I was on was destroyed by the Resistance, and I barely escaped with my life. You escaped on the freighter with your new friends from the Resistance.... and when my Master sent the Order after them I had thought we might meet again but you were not with them..."

He noticed a young blonde woman, one of the junior medics, waiting outside her door with a tray of food, and Rey's tired eyes, and suddenly Rey found him fussing over her, tucking her in to her blanket and refusing to look in her eyes again.

"I think perhaps you need something to eat, and a little rest? I can continue to the story a little later."

She _was_ hungry, and nodded reluctantly. Kylo waved the medic with her tray forward, and Rey's eyes lit up at the size of the portions she'd been given as Kylo set a small folding table in front of her and the medic laid the tray down.

It was more food than she could ever remember seeing at a single meal, and it was _real_ food - no veg-protein or polystarch in sight. A bowl of soup, so thick it was almost a stew, rich brown with hunks of meat and vegetables. Two small, soft rolls of _real bread_ , and a plate that when Kylo lifted the cover had _more_ vegetables, a soft grain she didn't recognise, and some sort of flaky white protein she didn't that she suddenly realised was _fish_. 

It was vaguely similar to the pickled fish sold at the monthly market at Niima Outpost that was open to offworld traders, and Plutt had been fond of it, and the horrible looking dried fish he sometimes managed to get in. But as a resident of a desert planet, fresh fish wasn't something she'd ever seen for herself, and even the preserved stuff had been prohibitively expensive for a scavenger.

And then there was the fruit. Rey couldn't remember ever seeing fresh fruit more than a handful of times in her entire life either, and suddenly she was overwhelmed by the inherent value of the meal before her. A scavenger was not worthy of such a rich meal, and Rey began to tear up looking at it. Kylo frowned, suddenly concerned.

"Is something wrong with the food? I can have something better sent up."

"No," Rey cried, one small hand grabbing at his wrist for a moment. "It's just... so much. I've never.... this isn't _portions_."

"It's just a very simple meal," the medic reassured her, "I'm sure you'll be fine."

The medic nodded to the Supreme Leader, and left the room, and Kylo turned to assess Rey. She looked uncomfortable, and yet clearly she was hungry if the sounds of her stomach were to be believed.

"I promise you, this is not too much," Kylo promised reassuringly. He realised Rey's last memories of food were probably portion packs on Jakku. "You would have eaten better than this since you've left Jakku."

Kylo took one of the fruits, a large orange ovoid thing with soft spikes, and a small sharp knife that lay to one side on the tray. He cut a long slice from the fruit, then deftly ran the knife just under the skin of the slice, using his thumb as a guide. He then deposited the fruit on an empty plate, taking a smaller piece from the peeled slice and stabbed it with the knife before offering it to her. 

"Meiloorun," Kylo informed her as she eyed the fruit before delicately pulling it from the blade and popping it into her mouth. "It's sweet, and can be slightly sticky, but it's one of my favourites."

Rey chewed the fruit slowly, savouring the sweetness across her tongue and despite not knowing what it was, it somehow seemed familiar. She said as much to Kylo, and he snorted slightly, remembering a shipment of supplies that included the fruit destined for the Finalizer that had been stolen by the Resistance. He had no doubt Rey had enjoyed the spoils of that particular raid, but even at the time he had found it difficult to be angry with the Resistance, knowing _she_ would get to eat it.

"You need to eat more than just fruit though," Kylo noted. "Try the soup first. I'm not all that fond of fish myself, although it's supposedly good for you."

"What about you?"

"I ate before I came to see you, and I take my evening meal fairly late. The Medbay serves dinner quite early."

Rey nodded, but offered him one of the rolls of bread. He shook his head, but she frowned and offered it again.

"I insist," Rey told him around a bite of her own roll. "It doesn't seem right for me to eat without you."

Kylo nodded agreeably, a strange feeling blooming in his chest. To eat with her seemed such a small thing, and yet it was somehow _everything_. A strangely intimate thing, and he realised had she taken his hand before Crait they could have shared many such simple meals together, talking about their day, perhaps making plans together for the days ahead. Kylo realised it was something he wanted with her, as often as he could - just eating a meal, and talking.

He wanted her company, for as long as she would have him.

*****

After her meal, Rey had been tired and Kylo had watched her sink back into the pillows, a happy smile on her face that triggered the faint quirk upwards of his own lip. She had wanted him to tell her more of their history, but after settling under her blankets she had rapidly drifted off to sleep as he had instead told her about the design of the Finalizer, it's number of engines, and how many lived aboard the vessel.

Reassured she was deeply asleep, Kylo had finally left her to go to his own quarters, and for once he feel quickly and deeply asleep himself. It was rare for him to sleep well, haunted as he had been by Snoke in his head before he had killed his Master, and haunted by demons of his own making since, not least of which had been Rey's rejection of him.

It was only 0200 when he was suddenly awoken by a strange _need_ to see Rey.

He pulled on a pair of dark pants and a sleeveless shirt, followed by a thick black overshirt. Typical training clothes, and he figured he would come back via his personal training hall before he got ready for the day ahead.

She was awake when he arrived, and he realised with no small level of relief that whilst she had no conscious awareness of their bond anymore, they were still somehow connected. Rey had somehow reached out to him when she had awoken.

"You're here," she cried happily in greeting. "Although why are you here? It's the middle of the night!"

"Woke up and thought it would be a good idea to check in on your," Kylo huffed, reaching down to lay a brief kiss on her temple before sitting in his customary chair by her right side.

Rey blinked in surprise, and blushed slightly. _I didn't realise we had such a_ _friendship_.

She knew there was at least a six month gap in her memory, yet the Rey of the Goazan Badlands was not a person who typically touched others so casually, nor allowed someone to touch her. Not that she minded... it felt right, to have Kylo kiss her like that. She didn't feel like he was after something she wasn't prepared to give. It was more than merely friendly, but it wasn't threatening at all either.

But then from the way Kylo blushed, it was also clear to her this wasn't a common greeting for them, either. She coughed slightly, and thought to diffuse the tension somehow.

"Tell me more about how we met," Rey finally asked. "How did we go from trying to kill each other to this?"

Kylo leaned back in the chair, and sighed as he remembered back to where he had left the story, and shuffled all the memories around in his head to try to create as linear a narrative for her as he could.

"After our fight, my Master sent Hux to find me and bring me before him. I was made to submit to my Master for my failures, but then the First Order engaged the Resistance, chasing them from their base on D'Qar and as one of the Order's best pilots I was released to join in the battle. 

"But my wound was still quite severe and required ongoing treatment. I was being treated for my injuries when I suddenly looked across the room and there you were."

"I came to you?"

Kylo barked a short laugh. The brief glimpse of dark amusement somehow changed his features, and Rey thought for a moment how _beautiful_ Kylo was when he smiled.

_Huh._

"No," Kylo continued his story, "you were many, many lightyears away. But somehow the Force connected us, and we could see and hear each other. Just the other, not their surroundings, but it was as if we were in the same room. You tried to shoot me, but fortunately the blaster bolt didn't travel across the bond."

Rey frowned. It seemed an impossible tale, and yet somehow she believed him. And felt another wave of guilt that she had tried to harm him.

"You were still very furious with me," Kylo explained, "and you didn't know everything yet. You had managed to find the enemy my Master and I had been searching for, and he was something of a disappointment to you although you didn't tell me _that_ until later. But your anger with me was still very real, and you gloated at beating me.... in between calling me a murderous snake.

"And make no mistake, Rey, I wasn't a very nice person before I met you. I _was_ the apprentice to the _Supreme Leader,_ an evil man powerful in the Force. When he took me in, I had nowhere else to go, and no other path to follow. But even if I was compelled by my master, even if I thought I had no other path to turn to, that doesn't really excuse some of the things I did."

Here Kylo stopped, and refused to look at her. He felt overwhelmed with guilt thinking of Han Solo, a man he had killed because his Master had insisted it would firmly cement his place in the Dark. An act that was supposed to drain the rest of the _Light_ from him, and make him more powerful. He remembered his words to Snoke, that he had not hesitated when the time came. But that was a lie. Kylo Ren, at that moment, had almost succumbed to the temptation to follow his father home.

For a brief moment, he had been Ben Solo again. But then he had followed the voices in his head, and killed his own father. And Snoke was right, it had split him to the bone, made him unbalanced and more disturbed than ever.

"The one you had found," Kylo said bitterly, "had been my Master once too. He was my uncle, yet when he felt my power rising, he raised his saber against me in my sleep. I came awake to find the man who I loved almost as much as my own father was about to kill me. So you can understand my concerns about you being with him, and my general hatred of him.

"Snoke was the only person I had left to turn to, in the end. I have no illusions that he cared about _me_ , it was my power he wanted. And he had been trying to draw me to him since I was a child. I had always heard the voices, even as a small child, but my love for my parents, my uncle, and the expectations of my bloodline... I trained with my uncle and was on the path to becoming a Jedi before he tried to kill me."

Now Rey was crying, silent tears, and the look on her face was not quite one of pity but it was clear the tears were for him. For the pain he felt, but Kylo wasn't sure if it was demonstrated on his expression or if she had felt it somehow through the almost dormant bond. He realised then too that his eyes had pricked with unshed tears himself, and he sniffed as he fought to gain control.

"We connected through the Force a few times before you I told you what he had done to me, until finally we touched hands and you saw for yourself what had happened. I thought we would only ever have that bond, that we would never meet as more than reluctant enemies on different sides of a conflict. But when he interrupted our connection, you apparently confronted him and confirmed my story. You were so angry with my uncle, and thinking you could save me from myself, you came straight to me."

Kylo grasped both of her hands tightly in his own for moment, remembering the warm feeling of _acceptance_ , the way she had seemed to genuinely care when she arrived on the Supremacy in that stupid escape pod from the Falcon.

"You wanted to save me," Kylo told her. "But I took you to my Master who proceeded to rip the location of my uncle from your mind. It was the most awful thing I have ever endured, watching him torture you. He taunted us, that the bond between us was something _he_ had created, to control me and tempt you in.

"But in the process of ripping through your mind, he saw _your_ power, _your_ hold on me, and decided that rather than have you join us a more fitting lesson would be to have _me_ prove my loyalty to him and the dark side by _killing_ you. I couldn't do it, but if I refused, he would have killed us both."

Kylo swallowed thickly, and refused to look at Rey. He was certain she would reject him, and yet he felt _compelled_ to confess to her.

"You must never tell anyone what I am telling you now," Kylo said quietly. "It would mean death to us both should you reveal it. Hux believes _you_ killed Snoke, but I have never lied to you and I wont start now... "

Kylo ruffled his fingers through his hair, and nervously worked his jaw before plunging on.

" _I killed Snoke to save you_."

Rey gasped.

"Snoke had your saber by his side, and whilst he was reaching in to my mind following what I was doing, I let him think I was following his commands. But instead of igniting my own saber, I ignited yours, and when I called it forward it cut him in two. I killed my Master to save you, but I saved myself too. I was free of his will, free of the voices in my head... but we were in grave danger still.

"Snoke had the Praetorian Guard, eight highly skilled and lethal warriors. They came for us, and instead of fighting each other for the first time we fought side by side. We defeated the Guard, and I realised we were free. No more Snoke in my head, and you were safe. I thought that, _finally_ , I could take control of my destiny."

Rey eyed him warily. Although the story so far seemed to explain how they knew each other, and seemed to explain his regard for her, she could sense there was something more. Kylo seemed pained, and Rey realised the tale was about to take an unfortunate turn.

"I realised that the destiny Snoke had laid out before me, to one day rule the galaxy as had been my grandfather's path before me, was about to transpire. Should I only be strong enough to take it, the First Order was mine. But it felt empty somehow... I didn't want to be alone anymore. So I offered you my hand. I wanted you to rule by my side, we could make something better than the First Order. I begged you to let go of the past, we should forget the First Order, the Resistance, the Jedi and the Sith. We could create something better."

"And I agreed?"

"No," Kylo said bitterly. "I think you wanted to. I think you almost agreed. But you were worried about your friends in the Resistance - you had asked me to save their fleet but I was so overwhelmed by what had just happened I moved straight to the 'join me' part and forgot about them. Honestly, I didn't care all that much about them anyway after I thought my mother had been killed..."

Kylo finally dared to look her in the eye, and Rey was taken aback by how wet and dark his eyes looked. Instinctively, she reached to grab one of the hands he was tugging his hair with, an unspoken and unconscious need to soothe him.

Kylo stared at their joined hands, hardly daring to believe she had taken his hand in hers, at once a sad echo of what he had wanted more than anything in that moment.

"I tried to convince you, to tell you what you meant to me, but I didn't... choose the right words."

Rey shivered.

_You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You're nothing. But not to me._

"I thought you were going to take my hand. You reached out, and I finally felt like someone was accepting me for all that I was. That you felt the same way... but instead, at the last moment, you rejected me. You reached for the saber instead and tried to take it from me. But unlike the last time we fought over that blade, it seemed to want to respond to both of us. The last thing I remember was a bright light as the saber began to tear itself in two.

"When I woke up, you were gone, and Hux was demanding to know what happened. I think he intended to kill me, and thinking fast I lied and told him you killed the Supreme Leader. And you had rejected me... all I had left was the Order. I took control, took hold of the Order. What did I have left?"

"I'm sorry, Kylo. I don't know why I did that."

"You wanted me to follow you back to the Resistance," Kylo mumbled, staring at her in disbelief.

"I don't know, Kylo. I don't remember. But I do know that I never had anyone who cared about me the way you seem to."

Rey looked sad, and squeezed the large hand she held in her own smaller one. A faint sense of regret drifted across the remnants of their dormant bond, and Kylo felt the sudden need to reassure her.

"You barely knew anyone in the Resistance at that point," Kylo murmured, "and I couldn't understand how you could choose them over me at first. We had a bond unlike no other, the Force bringing us together. But my mother was among them, and FN-2187 was your friend... and I've already told you I did terrible things when I was Snoke's apprentice."

Rey rested tiredly against the pillows, still holding Kylo's hand, and despite her best intentions found herself yawning widely.

"I've tired you out," Kylo apologised, but Rey shook her head.

"No. Tell me more? How did you know I was injured? How did you find me? Why did you care, after I hurt you?"

But she yawned again, and standing up Kylo pulled her blanket up around her shoulders. She blinked owlishly at him, but chose not to fight it.

"Stay," Rey whispered. "Please... stay until I fall asleep?"

He nodded, settling into the chair again, and held her hand in his until she fell asleep. And though it wasn't the same as taking his hand when he had offered, somehow it gave Kylo hope that when her memory returned, she might still take his hand when he asked again.


	5. Chapter 5

Though he was less than pleased to have Pryde return to the Finalizer, still in his position as Allegiant General, Hux was _thrilled_ to have the Resistance prisoners delivered to him.

He stood outside the force field of the small containment cell the two were huddled on the floor of in the transport ship, his smile wide and genuine in his malicious glee. Finn was still in the stolen Stormtrooper uniform he had worn on the Steadfast, and Rose was dressed in a stolen First Order uniform.

"FN-2187," Hux smirked. "Welcome back into the fold. And you're in uniform too! That's providential, since I've scheduled you for reconditioning first thing tomorrow morning."

"I'd rather die," Finn scowled at him. "Take me to Ren and he can do it himself."

Rose spat at Hux, the spit sizzling on the force field but going no further.

"And you, my little friend. Perhaps a few days in the interrogation facility will teach you a few manners."

Finn held Rose closer and continued to scowl at Hux.

"My how things have turned for your little band of rebels since you lost your little Jedi."

Rose narrowed her eyes at Hux, but refused to say anything.

Finn, on the other hand, had no restraint.

"Did you have something to do with it," Finn raged. "How else would you know about it! Did you send them to kill her."

Hux's smile grew, if anything, wider and more malicious. 

"Oh you don't know," Hux clapped his hands gleefully. "Well, let me be the first to inform you that your little Jedi _isn't dead_."

Both of the prisoners stared at him in disbelief and Rose gave a small gasp.

"Oh yes, Lord Ren found her still alive," Hux purred. "She's currently in our custody. But don't worry FN-2187, she won't be interfering with your return to the fold."

Hux stared at Rose for a moment, then flashed his teeth and snapped them at her.

"I remember you like to _bite._ I'll think of something suitable for you too."

Hux nodded to the small squad of Stormtroopers watching the interaction, and two stepped forward holding manacles. 

"Take them to the brig."

Hux didn't deign to watch further, striding away to join the meeting of the Council.

*****

Kylo had finally left Rey after he was certain she was asleep, and had gone directly to his personal training hall to destroy a number of training droids. 

As he fought the droids with a combination of his saber and bare hands, Kylo couldn't help revisiting his interactions with Rey in the Medbay. He was filled with a strange tension, half hopeful and half afraid, as he pondered the evening and early morning with her.

She didn't seem to hate him, despite the fact he had given more than enough reason to fear and despise him.

But he hadn't told her he had killed his own _father_ , an action that had firmly set Rey against him in the beginning, and almost destroyed Kylo's own sanity.

He had _kissed_ her... granted a mere peck on edge of her hair, but she hadn't objected. _Kriffing hells_ , but he wanted to do that again, this time to brush his lips against hers.... and _other_ places as well.

The distraction of that particular thought allowed a remote to get in a painful bolt across his shoulder.

And she had _apologised_ for rejecting him. Kylo had dreamed Rey would come to him, to join him, but he had never thought she would ever think she was wrong to run from him.

Oh but he knew it wasn't her, that she had felt justified in refusing him and rejecting him at the time and likely she would again if she could only regain her memory, but still..... he dared, just a little, to think that once she did regain her memories she might review that day from a different perspective.

He switched off his blade and dropped crossed legged to the padded floor, sweating and panting a little after the last droid was no more than a smoking heap of twisted metal and burnt out wiring. Kylo stretched his shoulders, which popped as he rotated them slightly, and sighed deeply. 

Destroying droids was not as satisfying as sparring with someone, but there was nobody on board who could match his prowess and he wasn't going to rip apart _people_ \- despite both his reputation and how he had previously trained against unwilling "volunteers" under Snoke's guidance.

Kylo sniffed and raised himself to his feet as he allowed himself a momentary regret for all Rey had lost in those few seconds on Endor, all he could have shown her. He would have enjoyed refining her technique and teaching her how to properly wield her blade, to truly show her the ways of the Force instead of what minimal teaching Skywalker had bothered to show her or what she had somehow managed to pick up on her own. Kylo could still show her a great deal, but she would never fight again, and he remembered how they had fought on Starkiller and in Snoke's throne room. Against each other, with each other, even untrained she was powerful and beautiful to observe.

He loved her regardless, but someone needed to pay for stealing that from her. His need to fight someone would be satisfied as soon as the First Order engaged Crimson Dawn.

For now, he needed his 'fresher and some food, and then the Council would meet to discuss Crimson Dawn.

*****

If Hux had been hoping Pryde would no longer be the favoured General after what he considered to be Pryde's rousing defeat by a mere handful of rebel scum, he was bitterly disappointed. Pryde remained ramrod straight in his seat, still in the preferential position by Kylo's side, his expression it's usual mask of disciplined indifference despite what had to be a _very_ painful electrothermal burn across most of his left cheek.

"I am disappointed in the outcome of Batuu," Kylo began, and Hux had needed to suppress an internal squeal of glee as Kylo frowned at Pryde.

Pryde, for his part, remained impassive and Hux had shifted in his seat in anticipation of the killing blow. 

"It would seem Intelligence failed to ascertain the presence of the Resistance faction there," Kylo continued in a level tone, "and under the circumstances you acquitted yourself well Allegiant General."

 _"WHAT,"_ Hux spluttered furiously, suddenly realizing the meeting was _not_ going as he had expected.

Kylo raised one brow and coolly eyed the insufferable ginger.

"Supreme Leader," Hux wheedled, "he was soundly defeated by a mere _handful_ of rebels, his ship crippled beyond repair, and what has he to show for it?"

"Two prisoners you currently have in my Brig," Kylo replied coldly, " _and_ he put himself at grave risk to himself to save the crew. Loss of life was minimal."

Kylo nodded towards Pryde.

"That has to be quite a painful injury. The reports say you pushed a young ensign out of the way and took the brunt of the explosion yourself."

"Instinct, sire," was all Pryde said in response. "Now, I understand we are to discuss the matter of the criminal element known as Crimson Dawn?"

Disappointed didn't even begin to describe how Hux felt, and he tuned out most of the remaining hour of the meeting as he focussed instead on how _wronged_ he was by Pryde and Ren. Now he wanted to see both Ren and Pryde come undone. Without his beloved mentor, Snoke, Hux no longer cared about the supremacy of the First Order, its values or what it stood for. He just wanted to see Ren suffer.

At least he had the two Resistance prisoners to entertain himself, while Ren was preoccupied with their friend, that murderous _Jedi whore_.

Oh but now he had a delicious idea....

*****

Rey wasn't in her bed when Kylo finally returned to the Medbay after midday. He felt a momentary surge of concern, but despite the almost dormant nature of their bond he could sense she was nearby. Not in pain, exactly.... but certainly she was in some degree of physical discomfort. 

Kylo allowed his mind to grow still, and reached out for her. A brief flash in his mind, and he could see what she could see for just a moment - Rey was holding on to something, trying to keep herself upright. 

Kylo followed what felt like an invisible string tugging on his subconscious, and quickly found her in a large room at one end of the Medbay, filled with various bits of equipment. Rey was strapped into some sort of upright device that on closer inspection seemed to be a chair that straightened and could lift her into a standing position. She was dressed in a long dark tunic, dark leggings, and barefoot between two bars, feet slightly off the ground and that her hands gripped tightly as she tried to support her weight between both arms. Two young female medics were with her, the dark haired one in front of her to help her balance, the blonde to the side giving her encouragement and advice.

The blonde medic noticed him first, and snapped to attention, saluting him.

"Supreme Leader," she nodded curtly. "Lady Rey is doing well with the physical therapy assessment."

Kylo vaguely recalled the morning briefing from Tannik via datapad. The doctor had made mention of the importance of physical therapy to maximise Rey's function should the damage be permanent. Did that mean Tannik had given up hope of Rey making a full recovery? 

He must have made some sort of giveaway expression, because the medic was quick to reassure him.

"We're still hopeful of a full recovery sir, and physical therapy will help her to be as independent as possible in the meantime."

"It's also hard work," Rey chimed in, noticing Kylo watching her.

Her hand sipped suddenly and she swore as she fell slightly, but the straps keeping her fixed to the device merely left her slumped a little, one ankle turned in what should have been an uncomfortable angle.

"Let me help you, Lady Rey," the dark haired medic said softly as she moved to help Rey back onto the rail, and straighten the bent ankle.

"I'm no lady, Jade," Rey laughed at her. "It's just Rey."

Kylo found he liked it though. It was respectful, and he wanted her to be respected. She was powerful in the Force, although she seemed to have forgotten and no longer actively aware of it, and she was strong in other ways too. She wasn't 'just Rey' to him, and he wanted the rest of the First Order to respect her too.

The blonde medic fetched him a chair, and he sat quietly in the corner watching as Rey was helped back in to a sitting position, the device she was strapped in to slowly folding until she was seated in a rather bulky chair. She was then wheeled to a small bed, where both medics easily lifted her slight weight to settle her onto the bed before adjusting the bed to sit her up slightly. The dark haired medic, _Jade_ , Kylo remembered Rey calling her, then proceeded to remove Rey's leggings. 

Once Rey's legs were bare, her modesty protected by the long tunic, Kylo watched as Jade pulled a box from under the bed and removed a pair of small devices. He watched, fascinated as Jade connected electrodes to the devices and then to Rey's legs, and turned them on. Both Rey and Kylo watched, fascinated, as the muscles in each leg to which the electrodes had been placed over began to twitch.

"Electrical stimulation," Jade explained, mostly for Rey's benefit. "Do you feel anything?"

Rey shook her head, lower lip caught between her teeth.

"That's okay," Jade reassured her. "We're mostly doing this to try and keep some function in your muscles. At this stage lack of sensation might still be due to swelling."

"But it might be permanent too," Rey muttered quietly, and Kylo felt his heart constrict at the despair he could feel from her.

"The First Order has the best medical staff available," Kylo reassured her, and himself.

Rey nodded, but was not entirely reassured. She didn't like feeling so vulnerable, so _useless_. And it was utterly humiliating, because she didn't even have control of her own body, hooked up to a catheter bag. It didn't matter that Tannik was hopeful that would pass in time, mentioning something called _spinal shock_ , because even if she did by some miracle get control of her own bladder it would be months before she could expect improvement. It might not happen at all.

But Kylo had been so kind, and the First Order medics were so attentive, she didn't want to seem ungrateful. After all, she was a nobody, and it was only through some strange bond they had formed that she was getting such care. Or even alive at all, although a small part of her wanted to rise up in anger that he hadn't just left her to die after all.

Rey didn't realise her mind was something of an open book to Kylo, and he carefully curated a blank expression as he felt her emotions. It saddened him to think she thought she might have been better off dying, and he was determined to show Rey her own worth.

Eventually Jade and her blonde companion were finished with Rey for the day, and ready to return her to her room. The blonde medic mentioned something about fetching a hover-chair to move her, but Kylo moved to Rey's side and sat down beside her for a moment.

"Do you mind...." Kylo began. "Can I carry you?"

Rey thought about it for a moment. Just one moment, when she thought about how he had kissed her forehead, held her hand whilst she drifted off to sleep, and how attentive he always was around her. On Jakku, she would never have any man to touch her, fearing what they might try to do to her. Yet something in her craved touch as well, simple affection and comfort, and she wasn't entirely sure _why_ she wanted that from Kylo, specifically.

"Please."

As he asked again, there was a slight tremble to the word, as if he was afraid of her rejection. Something about the way he said it seemed so familiar, and tugged deep at her as if to say refusing him would be a _mistake_ , and she nodded her agreement.

Almost immediately she was scooped up into his arms, one broad arm under her thighs, the other under her shoulders, and she rolled her upper body into him as she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head against his neck.

She could feel him tremble slightly as he tightened his hold for moment and just stood holding her close, but his steps down the short corridor and the length of the Medbay to her room were sure and Rey had no fear of him letting go.

*****

Rey had been tired after physical therapy, and Kylo had lingered only long enough to see that she was comfortably dozing. He managed to hold himself together long enough to make it to his quarters before he collapsed to his knees, breathing rapidly and shallowly as he tried not to completely fall into a panic.

He couldn't keep doing this. Right now she trusted him, he realised, and the thought that she might remember who she was, who _he_ was, and reject him again was unbearable.

It was only a matter of time, surely. Kylo was used to being abandoned, left behind, unwanted. From a childhood spent raised mostly by droids, to being sent away to his Uncle, the security of parental love he needed as a child was academic at best. The attempt on his life by Skywalker merely cemented his feelings. Rey's rejection of him was a more complex matter - he had felt the sting of her rejection and his subsequent angry response to it, and yet over the months since Crait another part of him had come to realise her decision was not so simple.

And her words when they had joined minds across the stars as she lay dying on Endor, _my Ben_ , spoke of an affection she had worked hard to hide from both him and herself. Deep down though, they were both connected like two halves of one whole, and for Kylo at least it was something even deeper.

It was... _love_.


End file.
